The Three Rivers Church Elders'
Position Paper on Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage

INTRODUCTION

The problem of divorce is one of the staggering problems of our society. In 1900 one marriage in twelve ended in divorce; by 1925 it was one out of eight; now it is one out of two.

The problem is not only limited to society. It has deeply affected the church. Over the years churches have responded in a variety of ways. The extreme poles of the responses are represented by the following:

1. No divorce and no remarriage of divorced people for any reason.
2. Divorce is no different from any other sin, and therefore; it should be confessed, forgiven, and forgotten.

The purpose of this paper is to explain the Three Rivers Evangelical Free Church elders' position on what God says in the Bible about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Certainly every case involving a divorce and/or remarriage must be considered individually, but the principles explained herein should provide a Biblical framework to evaluate each individual case.

A. THE BIBLICAL POSITION ON MARRIAGE

One man with one woman joined together in a permanent union throughout life
(Genesis 2:18-25; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18; I Corinthians 7:39).

1. Marriage was instituted by God. (Genesis 2:18, 24; Matthew 19:4-6)
   God created a wife for Adam and ordained marriage because in His divine wisdom He deemed it "not good" for man to be alone. God created man a "suitable helper" to partner with him in ruling the earth, raising a family and worshiping God. What takes place today at a marriage altar is not primarily the doings of the church or the state. It is first and foremost a sacred act before God.
   
2. Marriage is to be a monogamous relationship. (Genesis 2:22; Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:7-8)
   God gave to Adam just one wife. Christ expounded this original ideal with His words: "For this cause shall a man [singular] leave...and shall cleave to his wife [singular] and the two shall be one flesh." (Matthew 19:5)
   
3. Marriage is to be a heterosexual relationship. (Genesis 1:27; 2:22)
   God created for Adam (a male), Eve (a female). Adam was not given another human being like himself to marry. Eve was created as his complementary opposite. In Genesis 1:28, God gives a command for procreation to this man/woman couple which points to the fact that God ordained marriage to be heterosexual.
   
   (Though God loves all people regardless of sexual orientation, He clearly states that homosexual relationships are sinful and condemned in the Scriptures. Genesis 19:1-25; Leviticus 18:22, 20:13; Romans 1:24-27)
   
4. Marriage is a separation from parents. (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:7)
   Marriage involves a formal and public leaving of one's own parents in order to establish a new family as a married couple. Leaving one's parents indicates that one is to leave the deepest tie known to a child in order to establish a new tie in marriage that actually supersedes the old.
   
5. Marriage is the deepest possible relationship into which a man and woman can enter. (Genesis 2:24)
   The term "one flesh" refers to a unique and profound biological, psychological, and spiritual bond. To be "one flesh" reaches to the depths of a couple's soul. It is the commitment of two wills. It is the blending of two minds. It is the mutual expression of two sets of God-given emotions. Thus, a husband and wife are mysteriously the male and female parts of a single entity.
   
6. Marriage is to be permanent. (Malachi 2:16; Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9; Matthew 5:33; Ecclesiastes 5:4-6; Deuteronomy 23:21-23)
   When two people are married, God provides the "glue" and bonds them in a union which is never to be broken. God's original plan did not include the prerogative of tearing a marriage apart. To do so is to cause severe damage. Divorce is like an operation in which a vital member is taken from a living body. Divorce is more like losing your arms or feet than it is like quitting a club or dissolving a business partnership. When a person has a wounded leg, the last thing a surgeon considers is amputation. God intends for marriage to be permanent.

B. A BIBLICAL POSITION ON DIVORCE

God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16; Matthew 19:5-9)
In Matthew 19:5-9, Christ teaches that divorce is an accommodation to man's sin and is in violation of God's sovereign purposes for the intimate unity of the marriage bond. Divorce is only a concession to man's sin. Divorce was never God's original intention or desire for marriage. Even if there are biblical grounds for divorce, it is not mandatory.

Grounds for Biblical Divorce:

a) Fornication (Matthew 5:32; 19:1-9; Leviticus 18:1-30)
The word "fornication" is used throughout the New Testament to describe illicit sexual activity of any kind. In the case of married partners, it refers to intimate sexual involvement with someone other than one's mate - either of the opposite sex (heterosexual infidelity) or of the same sex (homosexual activity) or bestiality (sex with animals).

When a spouse is guilty of immoral sexual conduct with another person and continues to remain unfaithful, the option is there for the faithful mate to divorce. Divorce, however, is not mandatory.

b) Or desertion by the unsaved partner (I Corinthians 7:12-16)
If an unbelieving partner desires to preserve the marriage, the believing partner has no freedom to divorce him/her. (I Corinthians 7:12,13)

If an unbelieving partner chooses to leave his/her believing spouse, refusing to live with him/her, the believing partner is to let him/her depart. (I Corinthians 7:15)

The word "depart" is a strong word. In Matthew l9:6 and Mark 10:9, it is translated "put asunder" in opposition to "joined together."

Both verbs in this verse are durative. A good translation would be "if the unbelieving one keeps himself separated, let him keep himself separated." Permanence is in view. The tense of the verbs implies a determined and willful decision to leave a relationship with no desire to return, no interest in cultivating the home, no plan to bear responsibilities, and no commitment to the vows once taken. In the mind of the "deserter," marriage to the "deserted" is over. In such cases, the believing partner is not "under bondage" to that marriage which has been deserted. (I Corinthians 7:15) The deserted believer is at liberty to leave the marriage bond which has already been broken.

Willful desertion on the part of the unbelieving partner is a ground for divorce. It dissolves the marriage bond and sets the believer free from the marriage relationship.

Man in his sinfulness, by a life of fornication and/or a decision to permanently separate, can and often does tear apart what God has joined together.

C. THE BIBLICAL POSITION ON SEPARATION

Separation is not advisable except by mutual consent for a set time and for spiritual purposes. (I Corinthians 7:5)

Christians are not to permanently separate. (I Corinthians 7:l0,11) Even where there is adultery, the Bible stresses forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration. In Hosea, for example, the prophet continued to show his love to his adulterous wife and sought for her restoration.

If Christians separate (apart from fornication and willful desertion), they are to remain unmarried or to be reconciled to their mate. (I Corinthians 7:11)

If a non-Christian mate is willing to live with the Christian, the Christian is to maintain that relationship, except where temporary separation (see next paragraph) is advisable. (I Corinthians 7: 12, 13)

Temporary separation is sometimes advisable for the purpose of reconciliation/restoration and may be advisable for the physical or emotional protection of the spouse and/or children in an abusive situation. (The church stands ready to offer counsel, assistance, and referral in these matters.)

D. THE BIBLICAL POSITION ON REMARRIAGE

Remarriage according to the New Testament must be carefully examined on the basis of the classification of those involved.

1. For those who are divorced due to fornication and/or willful desertion of an unsaved partner:
   
   Remarriage is neither commanded nor forbidden to the partners involved. (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). This silence cannot be considered positive permission, nor is it prohibition. Forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration are preferable and far more ideal.
   
2. For those who are divorced for causes other than fornication and/or willful desertion: (Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Luke 16:18; Mark 10:11, 12)
   
   Remarriage of these persons constitutes adultery. All four of the passages in the Gospels teach this. These New Testament references give a word of caution to anyone who is considering marriage to a divorcee. If the divorce was not on Biblical grounds, the person who marries the divorcee is considered an adulterer.
   
   The remarriage of illegitimately divorced people is an act of "adultery" not a life of "fornication." That means that even though remarriage is a grievous act of adultery, it can be repented of and forgiven without dissolving the present marriage.
   
3. For widows and widowers: (Romans 7:1-3; I Corinthians 7:6-9)
   
   For such persons remarriage is neither commanded nor forbidden, but it is allowed. (Paul does recommend to younger widows to consider remarriage. I Timothy 5:14)

E. THE BIBLICAL POSITION ON DIVORCE AND LEADERSHIP

The body of Christ has a responsibility to uphold the biblical ideal of marriage. As previously stated, God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16; Matthew 10:5-9) Divorce is a forgivable sin that is included in God's promise: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (I John 1:9) However, forgiveness does not necessarily mean one is qualified to be an elder, deacon or church leader. "For by the grace given me I say to everyone of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." (Romans 12:3)

The only two biblical grounds for divorce are "fornication" (Matthew 5:32; 19:1-9; Leviticus 18:1-30) and "desertion by the unsaved partner." (I Corinthians 7:12-16) These are the only two stated reasons in which God does not see the act of remarriage after divorce as adultery. (Matthew 19:9; I Corinthians 7:15) Fornication and desertion by the unsaved partner break the marriage covenant before God. These acts free the innocent partner to remarry, and in so doing, they are not committing the act of adultery.

Biblically, such individuals, even if they remarry, would qualify before God as men who are "the husband of one wife." Therefore, these men would be qualified to hold the office of elder or deacon, as long as the other characteristics in I Timothy 3:1-13 and Titus l:5-8 are an accurate description of their lives. Those unbiblically divorced are forgiven when they confess their sin but would require substantial counsel and consideration before being asked to lead in a ministry setting.

The elders have an obligation to carefully examine any past divorce in a leadership candidate's history. A person who desires the office of elder or deacon needs to be willing to allow the elders to inquire discreetly about the candidate's previous marriage experience. The elders will then carefully and compassionately determine whether the man is to be considered for an elected leadership position. We are in agreement and thankful that God forgives no matter what the circumstances. If a divorced man is presented to the congregation for a leadership position, the congregation will be informed of that in a brief biographical reference. If members of the congregation have questions about the divorce, they may talk to the candidate or one of the elders that has examined and approved of the leadership candidate.

F. SUMMARY STATEMENT

It has been our desire to state as clearly as possible the Biblical position of marriage, divorce, separation, remarriage, and leadership. We have endeavored to speak the truth in love. It is our further desire that this position paper will lead us toward grace and away from a critical and judgmental spirit. Please pray that the Lord will use it to further His kingdom, unify this body, and bring glory to His name.

G. ADDENDUM: Pastoral concerns and guidelines

1. The pastor will approach those considering marriage, divorce, and remarriage with love, compassion, and respect regardless of the circumstances.
2. The pastor must make a clear presentation of the biblical principles involved to those who seek his counsel regarding marriage, divorce, or remarriage.
3. Before agreeing to marry anyone the pastor must determine whether or not the marriage (or remarriage) is an "equal yoking" (II Corinthians 6:14-16) and/or falls within the scriptural parameters (see all the above).
4. The pastor is responsible for helping the parties wishing to be married to think through all the pertinent information and process the decision biblically and rationally.
5. Thorough premarital counseling is strongly recommended.
6. Whenever possible, rather than divorce, reconciliation and restoration is the ideal.
7. People who have divorce and /or remarriage in their history need special consideration and presentation if they desire an official ministry assignment with the youth and/or adults of TREFC.
8. No document like this can address all the possible scenarios. In the final analysis, we want to live by faith through grace. Paul said it this way: "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:6b)

TREFC 07/99

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